Flying Through My Fear

Malaysia plane
We just arrived in Vietnam after a long day of traveling. I am happy to be safe and tucked into our new, temporary home. The boys were just amazing through all of the different modes of transportation today. We were in 4 vans, a boat and 2 planes. They passed out on our way here tonight from the airport. They didn’t wake up in the lobby as we checked in or when we brought them upstairs. This should explain our day 🙂

Pasleep

Aasleep

It is very quiet and peaceful and I’m happy to have this time to share something with you. I wrote a post several months ago after our long and turbulent flight to Spain from Argentina. I told you my story about why I fear flying and also why I never let it stop me from flying.

When we decided to take this trip, I knew there would be numerous flights within it. I just kept telling myself that all would be fine and I wouldn’t let my fear stop me from truly living my life. I still won’t.

I stay strong for my boys and never let them witness my fear. They absolutely love flying! They get so excited on flight days and their only complaint is that the flights aren’t long enough. They run to board the plane and high five everyone on it as we walk down the aisle. On many airlines, they play upbeat pop songs after the safety demo and the boys and I dance to them while in our seats. They are so expressive and happy and free. Today, Aston said to Pierce, “P, don’t forget to put your ipad on Airplane mode” and he also instructed him to put his tray table up before take off. They watch the safety procedure demonstrations with enthusiasm, they look forward to the drinks and meals, and mostly, they enjoy the speed during take off and watching as we ascend into the clouds.

They want to discuss, while I’m just begging inside to land safely asap, the whole emergency safety card…on each and every flight. They explain that if we can’t breathe, to pull down the oxygen masks, but, “Mommy, make sure you put yours on first.” They say that we will put on our life vests after we blow them up if the plane decides to go for a swim. We can then slide down one of the many yellow slides located at each exit, which they happily point out to me. Today, the question was, “Why is this guy on the card bending all the way over in his seat?” This question, while bumping up and down through the storm, and while my insides were terrified. “Oh, he’s just bending over to stretch, Honey.”

Dana is reading his book, the boys are giggling, discussing their world travels and talking to me about the safety card, and I am realizing for the first time in my life, that I am really afraid of flying. I also have to admit that I feel very alone in that fear. I have to rise above and be strong for my boys who don’t feel this and I don’t want to change that. I giggle along with them and act like everything is fine when we suddenly drop down like we’re on a rollercoaster from turbulence. I stare right out the window and face it. I imagine the possibilities from 40,000 feet above ground. I remain calm. I talk my fear down and do my absolute best to replace that fear with positivity and strength.

It is a true test for me in this life. I literally fly through my fear and envision that a long life is still ahead for all of us. I have faith. I pray. I let go. Although I don’t let it stop me and I work so hard to free myself of this, I still wanted to share and admit the way I really feel about it with you.

When we fly above Malaysia for example, pictured above, or the bright and shiny lights of a big city, I realize how lucky I am. I realize how exciting all of this is. I realize how much I love discovering new worlds and in order to do that, sometimes I just have to get on a plane. People do it every day, all day, all over the world. I am just one of those people. This was my choice and I will still choose it every day, in spite of my fear. I am thankful the wonderful world of aviation exists and that it is such a safe form of travel…probably the safest, right? I am thankful for the captains and technicians involved who assure we arrive in far away lands, safely.

I am thankful for the fearlessness and enthusiasm our boys have for flying. They give me strength. I was never afraid in the same way I am now. When I was alone, I didn’t feel this. It’s because I am so happy and thankful for the precious and most important gifts I’ve been given. My family. With this fear however, comes the strong desire to live completely, happily, fearlessly and with all of the love in my heart. Those desires win over my fear.

Lastly, I want to share a little something the boys said today that made it all just fade away. Aston asked me to do something and I can’t seem to remember what it was. I recall saying, “Oh, Sweetheart, I don’t think I can do that. I don’t think I’m strong enough.” He replied with, ” Mommy, you are the strongest, most beautiful, smartest, most loving ‘gurl’ in the world. You can do anything, Mommy.” Pierce chimed in with, “Yes, Mommy, you are the strongest person I know, except Daddy has really big muscles, and I think you are amazing.”

I cried on the inside and smiled on the outside as I kissed them and gave them the best thing I have to offer in this life…My heart and my pure and unconditional love. Today is another gift and I will continue to enjoy and live fully in each moment.

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